Review: Hotel Fine Linens 1000 Thread Count Egyptian Cotton Sheets

As any expert napper can attest, good sheets are one of the most important parts of the napping process. Sure, some people say it's too much work to get undressed and into bed, but those people are lazy. Good naps need just a little effort to become perfect naps.

That said, one of the best investments a person can make is good sheets. A couple months ago, I purchased these sheets on a Deal Of The Day website. And now you get to hear about them!

TEST CONDITIONS:
Bed size: Queen
Color: Celadon
Pillows involved: 6 (four regular, two body)

PERFORMANCE:

These sheets are pretty great, with a caveat. I've ordered from Hotel Fine Linens before and, while their sheets are basically pretty great, they're definitely a 'wait and get them on sale' type of thing. $100 for a set of sheets is a bit much (especially when you can get them on sale, on a good day, for $65), but owning some really nice sheets is a definite must-do. But that's not the caveat.

The caveat is -- you probably won't like these sheets the first few washes. In the past, I've had two sets of sheets arrive from a similar batch at the same time: one was incredibly scratchy, and one was silky smooth. The scratchy ones got washed a half-dozen times, and used a few times, and they became normal comfy smooth like the others. Apparently this isn't an isolated thing; there are several customer reviews citing scratchiness as a major downside to these sheets. But don't believe it; after a few washes and a little use, they're good to go. Some might argue that if you're paying that much for sheets, they should be awesome from the start. I would agree, but as I said, they've arrived hit or miss for me.

I do have to say, they're pretty awesome overall. My room gets a little cold, and these sheets tend to stay pretty dang warm, in turn keeping me pretty dang warm. Definitely good sheets.

RECOMMENDATION:

Honestly, I'm a big fan. If you're willing to roll the dice and gamble on getting soft right out of the package (and you can find them on discount), these sheets are pretty cool.

OVERALL:
ZZZZZZZZZZ
7/10 Z's

Inappropriate Places To Nap #46

The Nap Preparedness of Champions

Almost everyone knows how to take a nap (and if you don't, that's OK... we'll cover that eventually). What not everyone knows is the most hardcore of ways to take naps. The following technique is a powerful nap-starter, the kind that Olympics athletes (probably) take; this nap regiment is perfect for lazy Saturdays, work days when you pretend to be sick, or avoiding awkward social gatherings in the early evening. With these tips, you too can be a champion napper!

Step One: Maximize Your Comfort

If you're a nap enthusiast, chances are you probably are already doing this. In case you're a newbie, this is the single unwritten rule of napping. Maximize your comfort. Quick, right now, what's the most comfortable object in your house for napping? Did you name something instantly, or did you hesitate? If you hesitated, you have some homework. Go from room to room and evaluate your potential napping spots. Is the green couch you have upstairs the most comfortable couch in the house? How about that large stuffed chair in the basement? Maybe you should skip them all and go right to your bed. Point is, you need to find what works for you. The sooner you can find the perfect nap spot, the sooner you can get tucked in and knocked out. This is best done in advance of a good nap; after all, you never know what strange napping places you might find. Bonus tip: the supremely lazy can go for the coveted 'bath nap', where you allow the bathtub to empty, toss a large fluffy towel over yourself, and sleep in the warmth of the bathtub. Do note that if you do this, it's probably best if you live alone, have an incredibly permissive partner, or don't share a communal college bathroom.

Step Two: Soak It Up

Let's make a list of things in the animal kingdom that look really relaxed. Do you know what tops that list? Fish. Have you ever seen a stressed fish? I don't think so. Even at their most frantic, they just swim around a little faster than usual and flip their tail around. It's the same reason you can buy a tacky singing plastic fish telling you to relax: fish are natural relaxers. So make like a fish, and take a bath. Nothing says 'It's time to relax' like a nice, warm bath. Some people won't have bathtubs, or are currently in prison; these people should not attempt to take a bath in their sink because it's a really disappointing experience. Instead, you can take a nice, long shower. Feel free to go crazy with the hot water. You and your future nap deserve it.

Step Three: Pretend We're On An Airplane During Take-Off

That is to say, turn off your stupid cell phone. Some people may feel the need to suckle the digital teat and keep their phone on... unless you're a doctor, turn the gadgets off. Nobody is going to call you anyway and, if they do, it's nothing that can't wait until the end of your nap. After all, you deserve some 'you time'. There are exceptions to this (i.e. you're a doctor, or you're using your phone to check Nap Enthusiast)... one perfectly understandable exception is if you're the kind of person who is going to just panic if your phone is off. How did your ancestors survive without getting status updated sent directly to them every fifteen seconds? You'll never know. But I guess it's OK if you keep your phone on. Just keep it on silent, yeah?

Step Four: Find Your Comfort Item

Everyone has one. For some people, it's a really old blanket. For others, it's a pair of fluffy socks. Regardless of what it is, it's your comfort item, and you need it to nap. Some people don't have a comfort item; these people are boring, and probably don't take napping seriously enough.  But they're still welcome here... we'll make a hardcore napper out of them yet.

By now, you should be soothed, a little warm, relaxed, and laying in the most comfortable spot in the house/apartment. Congratulations, you're ready for an epic nap!